so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
