jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
