belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
