im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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