I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
