my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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