I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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