As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
