So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
