update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize