He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
