The maid of honor just puked.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
