FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
