I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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