I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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