I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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