i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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