i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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