she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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