I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
