Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's great music for shaving your balls
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
