So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
