after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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