I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
