I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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