Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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