I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
