Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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