I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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