my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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