haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
