hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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