You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
