my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
