I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize