What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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