break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
