You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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