SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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