You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
