So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
