I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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