Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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