You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
