remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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