Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
