Im at strip club and am horny
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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