i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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