so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
