but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
