You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
