$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
