remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
