I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
