You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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