Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
