im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
