Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
