his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
