she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
