Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
