a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
