I wish I could teleport
Don't make out with my wife yet
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
