I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am naked and annoyed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
