HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
