Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
