I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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