and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Two words: blizzard sex
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
