butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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