He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
