i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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