Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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