you guys were way drunker than both of me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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