I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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