my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
