He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
