is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?