i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
