Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.