Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
4 words: hood of his car
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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